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  • pnwboi
    Jesseanne Pope
    @pnwboi

Images by pnwboi

I owe a lot to this one, and sometimes I think they might not even know it. So here's a shout out to @smellemi for living their truth and being contagiously real. I needed it πŸ’•βœ¨πŸŒˆ #friendshipgoals #queersofinstagram #queer #nonbinary #healing #beach #oregoncoast #oregon #pnw #beachlife #sand #photography #amateurphotographer #pnwonderland
in psy215, that's lifespan human development, my professor wrote attachment styles on the board 
outlining the theory textbook style
but textbooks don't feel emotion
the words don't tear holes in their pages like they do in the fabric of my reality, my self esteem
secure, avoidant, ambivalent, disorganized 
the vocabulary leaked from her black pen and her stern lips
i wonder if she can tell
i wonder if she knows that this is the terminology i have avoided for 20 years
that's avoidant 
but i hope i didn't give it away
as she names my pain it echoes through my hollow thoughts "children who develop avoidant attachment as infants are emotionally distant"
i know, i know 
it's harder to joke about a non-existent childhood when your professor tells your class that these children
that you 
may never develop attachment 
will i ever know how to develop attachment or will i just be another case study in my psy215 textbook
because i am avoidant 
as my professor called it
but what i call it is a safety precaution 
independence 
strength 
freedom
resourcefulness 
all of which, I am running out of

________________________________
#yearofselflove #loveyourself #poet #poetry #poem #poetsofinstagram #feminist #feminist #photography #amateurphotographer #photographer #nature #reflection #oregon #pnw #pnwonderland #pacificnorthwest #southernoregon #canon #healing
in psy215, that's lifespan human development, my professor wrote attachment styles on the board outlining the theory textbook style but textbooks don't feel emotion the words don't tear holes in their pages like they do in the fabric of my reality, my self esteem secure, avoidant, ambivalent, disorganized the vocabulary leaked from her black pen and her stern lips i wonder if she can tell i wonder if she knows that this is the terminology i have avoided for 20 years that's avoidant but i hope i didn't give it away as she names my pain it echoes through my hollow thoughts "children who develop avoidant attachment as infants are emotionally distant" i know, i know it's harder to joke about a non-existent childhood when your professor tells your class that these children that you may never develop attachment will i ever know how to develop attachment or will i just be another case study in my psy215 textbook because i am avoidant as my professor called it but what i call it is a safety precaution independence strength freedom resourcefulness all of which, I am running out of ________________________________ #yearofselflove  #loveyourself  #poet  #poetry  #poem  #poetsofinstagram  #feminist  #feminist  #photography  #amateurphotographer  #photographer  #nature  #reflection  #oregon  #pnw  #pnwonderland  #pacificnorthwest  #southernoregon  #canon  #healing 
i wanna make the right choice but all of these blurred lines are making me lose focus
when I close my eyes it's either you or the city but honestly it's you and the city 
if it were a list it would just be those two 
The city and us 
______________________________________
#calidreams #calilife #californialove #california #californiaadventure #la #losangeles #venicebeach #beach #sunset #photography #amateurphotographer #canon #springbreak #roadtrip #futurehome #takemeback #oregoniansincali #poetry #yearofselflove #loveyourself #bemyfriend
i wanna make the right choice but all of these blurred lines are making me lose focus when I close my eyes it's either you or the city but honestly it's you and the city if it were a list it would just be those two The city and us ______________________________________ #calidreams  #calilife  #californialove  #california  #californiaadventure  #la  #losangeles  #venicebeach  #beach  #sunset  #photography  #amateurphotographer  #canon  #springbreak  #roadtrip  #futurehome  #takemeback  #oregoniansincali  #poetry  #yearofselflove  #loveyourself  #bemyfriend 
fifty balloons | fifty dollars
queer adventures | priceless 
_____________________
πŸ“·: @smellemi ✨
#yearofselflove #loveyourself #balloons #queer #gayagenda #gay #candid #allsmiles #corvallis #oregon #pnw #photography #nonbinary #theythem #queerbabes #gaygram #oregonstateuniversity #starboy
i painted the world with my shame, escaping my mind and this body
everyone felt so entitled to it that it never felt like mine anyway

______________________________________
second excerpt from '13'

#poetry #poet #feminism #wildfeminist #photography #amateurphotographer #museum #museumphotography #lacma #lacmamuseum #la #losangeles #cali #calilife #california #californiaadventure #roadtrip #springbreak #oregoniansincali #shadows #art #canon #loveyourself #yearofselflove
i painted the world with my shame, escaping my mind and this body everyone felt so entitled to it that it never felt like mine anyway ______________________________________ second excerpt from '13' #poetry  #poet  #feminism  #wildfeminist  #photography  #amateurphotographer  #museum  #museumphotography  #lacma  #lacmamuseum  #la  #losangeles  #cali  #calilife  #california  #californiaadventure  #roadtrip  #springbreak  #oregoniansincali  #shadows  #art  #canon  #loveyourself  #yearofselflove 
my hands are pretty cold for someone always dreaming of warm, sunny beaches 
maybe I drain all of the heat trying to keep my heart warm until my toes reach the sand again 
it won't be long now

#takemeback #cali #california #californiaadventure #losangeles #la #venicebeach #sunset #horizon #ocean #beach #photography #amateurphotographer #canon #calilife #beachlife #loveyourself #yearofselflove #springbreak #roadtrip #futurehome
if my hearts the epicenter of love then the epicenter of my heart is the city; I am constantly leaving it there
I am so in love

#loveyourself #yearofselflove #canon #photography #amateurphotographer #hollywood #hollywoodsign #losangeles #la #california #cali #roadtrip #springbreak #nomorehate #city #cityscape #spring #sister #model #lesbain #blackgirlmagic #mybabes #feminist #feminism #citylife